Below is an email I just sent to everyone who attended last night's first-ever World Record Appreciation Society event. We had a great time, collectively setting 11 brand-new universal records. Stay tuned for our second event, to be held in early January. Dan
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Dear Record Appreciators,
Thanks a million for trudging out on a cold, rainy, Monday night. To a mysterious karaoke basement bar in Chinatown. With the promise of nothing more than some freaks on stage and a couple free egg rolls. If "Commitment To Appreciating Records" was an acceptable category, you'd all be world record holders in my eyes.
Actually, most of you are now world record holders in my eyes. Without further ado, here's a recap of the tremendous, never-done-before feats achieved at last night's event:
"Most Pencils Sharpened With A Mechanical Pencil Sharpener In One Minute"
Using lightning quick wrists and a professional grade sharpener, Emily Wilson turned an astounding five unsharpened pencils into balloon popping pricksters in just sixty seconds. (Special shout out to Andy Greer, who came extremely close to beating the record but was stymied by a sharpener glitch and a dearth of balloons.)
"Fastest Shave Of One's Own Mustache"
I won't be too indulgent with compliments here since I was the one who set this record, but I'm pretty damn proud to have taken off my entire soup strainer in just 42.18 seconds. Beat that, Castro.
"Most Images Of Fish Sandwiches Looked At In One Minute With Someone Else Holding Up And Dropping The Images In A Manner Similar To Bob Dylan's 'Subterranean Homesick Blues' Video"
Probably our most 'expected' category of the night, but an extraordinary performance nonetheless. Big shouts to Mr. Todd Lamb, who looked at an incredible 28 fish sandwich images, yelling "Fish!" each time he saw one. Let's hope Todd tries to beat this record at our next event, hopefully with a slightly better fish sandwich image dropper on hand.
"Most Sips Taken Out Of Strangers' Drinks In 15 Seconds"
Using a straw as his sidekick,
Jake Bronstein took bar patrons by surprise as he snuck sips from a completely insane five strangers' drinks in a mere 15 seconds. Now that's what I call "drink and dash". Well sipped, Sipstein.
"Largest Group Of People Involved In Shaving Off One Man's Beard"
At the start of the night, URDB.org co-founder Corey Henderson had a full beard. By the end of the night, thanks to contributions from an unheard of 23 people (including our mysterious DJ and a dude outside who worked for Dunkin' Donuts), Corey's beard had disappeared into history. Beat that, Lincoln if you were alive.
"Most Personal Compliments In 30 Seconds"
Does Opus Moreschi know how to make a room feel good or what? He certainly did last night, when he dropped a kindness bomb by showering 16 random people with heartfelt compliments in a barely measurable 30 seconds. If I were God, I'd change his last name from Moreschi to Morepeopleshouldbelikeme.
"Longest Single Breath Vocal Fry (Female)"
Let's give a collective fry of appreciation to Debbie Hampton, who flew in all the way from Los Angeles to set the female vocal fry record with her groundbreaking 41.78 second fry. Though used to performing in a significantly warmer clime, Hampton never made excuses, proving to be a true fryoisseur in the process. BTW, read about the fry
here.
"Longest Single Breath Vocal Fry (Male)"
Having barely recovered from his drink and dash, Jake Bronstein ran back onstage and preceded to fry his ass off for a completely inhuman one minute, 22.28 seconds. Many people in the audience questioned whether his fry lacked the consistency necessary for URDB verification, but we'll upload his video and let the community decide. Fry, fry again, Jake.
"Fastest Signing Of American Sign Language Alphabet By A Hearing Individual"
Marina "Lightning Hands" Myler came straight outta L.A. and threw down the alphabet like a gangsta throwing gang signs in a fast-forward movie. Myler signed the entire alphabet in a ludicrous 11.79 seconds. Did she let her fingers do the walking? No, people. She let her fingers do the sprinting. (insert "nyuck nyuck" sounds here)
"Most Throat Singing Notes Sung In 30 Seconds"
In the evening's most heated competition, Elna Baker and Kristina Hoge had a good ol' fashioned showdown, except they substituted fashionable outfits for dusty cowboy garb and somewhat annoying throat singing notes for guns. We'll need to look to video replay before making a final decision, but it looks like Baker eked out victory, singing over 110 notes in the 30-second time period.
"Most Quarters Balanced On Elbow And Caught In Hand With Three Toothpicks In Mouth"
We've all seen people balance quarters on their elbows and catch them. In this day and age, that's no big whoopee. Performing such a feat with three toothpicks in mouth, however? Now that's what I call history. Greg Christman arrived on the record scene in full force, successfully balancing twelve quarters on his elbow before catching them, all with three toothpicks dangling from his mouth. Feel fortunate if you grabbed one of the toothpicks post-performance, as I'm sure they'll be up on eBay for big bucks soon.
11 new universal records! I'm proud to have witnessed such a historic night. We'll get these records up on URDB.org ASAP, and hope you'll join us in early January for World Record Appreciation Society Night #2. Stay tuned for details.
Fantastic photo collection
here. (Click on this link!)
Thanks again for coming, and special thanks to Peter for videotaping and Emily and Bharat for taking photos.
Dan and Corey
URDB.org
PS If you're not a member, please join our
World Record Appreciation Society Facebook Group.